Friday, August 6, 2010

i love you mommy, but you don't love me :(

Hi, Mommy. I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already.

Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy.

Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.

I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.

Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?

You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay? It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more?

I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.

...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you! Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop!

It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!
Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!

I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just… One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.

Two more hands that will never touch.

Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you’re against abortion, reblog.

Monday, May 31, 2010

today. .

sumpah rindu dy.. you were always in my deep heart D... ;(

That's When I Love You

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly
And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you, no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what

Friday, May 21, 2010


Im always gonna be me unless I decide to change on my own. like anyone else.. some will love me... some will hate me. I could really care less what anyone thinks or says. I've learned not to let such little shit get to me like it did in the past. sometimes my carelessness gives me the image of a bitch to some people. I just have a low tolerance level for ignorance and bullshit. to anyone who doesn't like what I do or how I carry myself... well... then... you know... fuck you ! :)

be yourself la kawan .
someday u'll cry for me like i cried for u,
someday u'll miss me like i missed u,
someday u'll need me like i needed u,
someday u'll love me, but


* speacial for you that doesn't appreciated me at all. :(

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The One & Only

sarah yasmin, i love you. ^-^ my cuti niece la. bln 7 ni genap 3 tahun. (ta ingat bape ary bulan) dy satu2 nye manusia yg ta pena sakit kan hati cha. she the best !! dy satu2 nye yg bole bt cha happy. rindu dy sangat2.. ;( mulot potpet2 ta abis2. ckp dlm bahasa dy pulak tu.. hee.. comel sgt.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Best Person I Ever Have ^-^

wahh.. suda maju kan.. suda ada blog.. hehe.. act suda lame na bt, tp blm ada kerajinan. :)
now da ada life baru.. tiada lagi muhammad azfar dlm lubuk aty cha. ta syg dy, and ta juge benci dy. 5 bulan sj hubungan kami bertahan. mase bercinte mmg semue indah kan3? tp ta pe la, Tuhan da takdir kn y takdir kteorg smp sini sj.. wut to do la kn. totally his nice person. ta rugi kenal dy..

you, hope you happy gan life baru you. i sentiase doa kan yg terbaaek bt you. you baek sgt gn i, i ta layak utk benci you. you selalu belanje i mcm2, bt surprise kt i. i suke.. hehe. ^-^
1st time jumpe, you bwak i kua g mkn kat McD kn? hee.. time tu i malu2 lg. i ta banyak ckp pon, 4 sure you pon same. bile dlm fon bkn maen lg. nge~ tp i try memeriah kn suasane ckp la apa2 yg terlintas. shuke gile taim tu.. sumpah you nsem syg time tu. aww~ bile da balek, i asyik kt you jer.. jatuh hati terus. huhu.. you pon shame kn syg kn? ;) thks for the memories. ;( i tahu i byk bt sala, tp you byk bersaba gan kerenah i. you ta pena jemu layan kerenah i. i gedik kan? bile panas ckt, i mls na jalan kaki, i suro you hantar. you pon ta pena na bg byk alasan. ouhh.. sweet moment. tp tinggal kenangan. ;( i mnta ape pon mesti you try tunaikan. mcm2 da i dapat dari you. thks sgt syg. i ingat lagi, taim tu you dari rumah. you kate balik naek moto. kete ta dapat na bawak. then tibe2 bile sampai KUIS, you suro i turun bawah. konon2 na jumpe lepas rindu. tp yoy tipu i kn. you jaat! you sebena nye naek kete.. then you beli kan makanan fav i.. double cheese burger..hehe..! i suke sgt.. then you kate ta dapat dtg ruma kaka i. i punye la merajuk. ta lame lepas tu you ckp you ade kt depan ruma.. hee.. you nakal kn. suke bt i merajuk, then bt surprise kt i.. ;) kalaw na cite kebaikan you, memang byk sgt3! bole d kate kn tiap2 mlm you bawak i kua mkn. you belanje kan? i na belanje you ta bg.. tp bile taim a bayar, i cepat2 pegy kaunter bayar. HAHA. kdg2 you ta sempat na halang. then you majuk. ew~ i syg you lh. i ta sanggop tengok asik you sj kua duit gan i. bile wekend pon kite selalu kua. tgk wayang.. you ta kesa pon i na tengok cite ape2. you ikut jer.. padahal you ta minat cite tu. hah! paleng best, you bawak jer mane2 i na pegy kn syg kn? time tu i na sgt pegy OU. then you bawak. even jauh..erm, shian you.. da la time pegy tu i mara2 you sbb you lmbat. i nyesal sgt.. andai kate taim bole di undur, i na betul kan semule. then you bawak i pegy PD. time tu pon i merajuk, sbb you ta bg tengok fon.. hehe. padahal you guraw jer. ;p tp pengorbanan you yg paleng i ta kan dapat lupe, you dari KL, sanggop datang perak, semate2 jumpe i. syg nye you pd i. ;( you memang sgt nakal kan, dalam diam2, you suke amek pic i.. HAHA. bile you da buat kt i mcm tu, i pon terase na buat mcm tu kt you.. nge~ besh kan syg. ^-^ you gak slalu tpup utk i kn? even i ckp ade duit, tp youstill na topup kn utk i. syg, you byk bekorban utk i. ari tu i teringin sgt na mkn gula2 kapas, you sanggup pegi cari kn syg kn? ;( then taim balek dr kua, kite kene tahan gan guard KUIS kn. sbb naek kete berdue.. then guard tu suro you bg no kad matrik i, then you bg yg tipo.. baek nye u. sanggop protect i. then guard tu suro jumpe dekan, i na pegy skali sbb sala i jg.. tp you ta bg. you ckp bia you sorg jer yg kene. npe you baek sgt gan i? knp? syg nye you kt i.. tp i ta tahu hargai you. i bodoh!! ;( i tahu, u tinggal kan i sbb sala i kn, tp sory, till now i ta faham and ta tahu apa sala i. i cdy + sunyi + terase kehilangan sgt bile you mnta break. bagai na gile i taim tu. you... npe you tinggal kn i, i syg you, till now dlm hati i ade you. you fhm ta i syg you lbh dr ape pon. i syg you, i syg you, i syg you. tlg la dgr.. ;( nyway, u lah satu2 nye laki yg dpt ubah i. ty. i ta kn lupe you smp bile2..(tibe2 lak mata berkaca)
even you da benci i, i ta kn pena benci you smpai bile2.. you terlalu sempurne bg i. one day, bile you tibe2 terase na cari i, cari lah. i sntiase ada utk you.

gamba candid you yg i amek.. hee.. i suke gamba ni. you pon kan? ;)

“I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when i lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other for those were some of the best times of my life.”